


Crush

by Rayawastaken



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Bisexual Yosuke, Canon Rewrite, Eventual Happy Ending, Inspired by Richard Siken, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Miscommunication, Spoilers for Yosuke's social link, by which I mean that I made it gay, homoerotic fistfights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayawastaken/pseuds/Rayawastaken
Summary: Souji had to let go of this fragile hope that nestled itself somewhere in the back of his head stubbornly. He was an idiot, really; for every situation in which Yosuke supposedly implied that he liked him there were countless of others in which he very clearly, painstakingly reminded everybody willing (or not) to listen that Yosuke Hanamura was as straight as a pole and that he liked women, and women exclusively. Souji would find it amusing if it didn’t also make him want to gauge his eyes out from frustration.
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji, Kujikawa Rise/Seta Souji (one-sided)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Crush

**Author's Note:**

> So I binge-read most of Siken's poems, got myself sad, and then started writing this because there's one scene that will not leave my head. I can't do anything casually tho so it means I'll have to write 10k words of plot leading up to it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

They were standing on the hill overlooking Inaba, arms resting on the wooden fence that surrounded the little clearing at its top. It was peaceful, the quiet interrupted only by birdsong and the rustle of leaves around them. Yosuke had brought him here, much to Souji's bewilderment. The place was beautiful, especially with the setting sun bathing the scenery in golden light, but it wasn't a very… 'Yosuke' spot to hang out at.

“It’s nice here,” said Souji, closing his eyes and turning his face towards the sun with a content sigh. He heard a huff of laughter from his right.

“I swear you’ve spent so much time around stray cats you’re turning into one,” he felt a finger being jabbed in his side lightly. Souji half-opened one eye to glance at Yosuke. His friend was watching him with a fond sort of exasperation, a smile tugging at his lips. Then he turned towards the view stretched down below them, expression turning a little sour.

“I hated this place when I first came to Inaba,” he hummed. “You can tell how small the town is from up here.”

Souji followed his gaze to the collection of buildings below. Yosuke wasn't wrong. It  _ was  _ small, especially if you’d lived in a big city before. Still, so much has happened in Inaba and he’s met so many people he’s grown to hold dear that to Souji, it seemed enormous. He heard Yosuke sigh next to him.

“But looking at it now… it’s a nice town,” he smiled sadly. 

"What changed?" Souji prompted after they've been quiet for a while. Yosuke looked at him, seemingly startled by the question.

"Oh. Well, nothing, I suppose. I just realized that what's important... isn't where you are," he said softly and Souji felt a wave of affection sweep through him at seeing his partner talk so freely. He tended to avoid overly mushy conversations, especially around other members of the Investigation Team. "I mean, this town I used to hate so much? Now, I love it. It's where my family and friends are… and you,” Yosuke turned to face him with a smile. “The important things are never far off… They’re all around you." 

Souji felt his breath catch.  _ Don't read into this. Do not. _ he thought desperately. It's just that sometimes Yosuke said things and he  _ knew _ he didn't mean anything by them. Not in the way Souji hoped for, at least. And that was-. Fine. It was fine.

He must have taken too long to answer because suddenly Yosuke was averting his eyes with an awkward laugh.

“Ah, sorry. That was kind of a weird thing to say, huh? Didn’t mean to get all sappy on you.” Souji saw his hands tightened around the railing, the way he hunched his shoulders self-consciously and immediately felt bad. He chastised himself mentally for spacing out.

“It was a  _ little  _ sappy,” he admitted lightheartedly while moving closer to elbow Yosuke in the arm gently, “but I think you’re right.” He seemed to uncoil a little so Souji continued. “I thought I’d hate Inaba at first. I didn’t know anybody here and couldn’t even remember the last time I saw my uncle. I genuinely expected the worst.”

“Right,” Yosuke interrupted him, “and then you fell face-first into a TV.”

“And then  _ we _ fell face-first into a TV, Yosuke.” Souji pointed out with feeling and his friend snickered into his folded arms. “And we’ve been partners ever since, so it really does come down to just making the best of what is around you. In regards to both people and places.”

Yosuke hummed in agreement and turned towards Inaba again. “I just- I wish I could tell Saki-senpai all this.”

Souji suppressed a frown. Saki Konishi. That name brought a mixture of conflicting emotions with it; there was the logical part of him that realized none of them had enough understanding of the TV world to save her at the time. Still, Souji couldn’t quite push down the wave of guilt whenever she was mentioned. He hadn’t known her long enough to properly mourn her death but he did remember the state Yosuke was in after the rally at school all those months ago. And he definitely remembered the scathing words Saki’s shadow threw at his friend. It was supposed to represent all the worst parts of her, sure, but it still clearly hurt him. It didn’t change the fact that Yosuke kept mentioning her and Souji was never sure how to approach the topic. Should he say something? That holding onto a memory of a dead woman who considered him mildly irritating at best and a major pain in the ass at worst wasn’t very healthy, emotionally speaking? He had a feeling it wouldn’t go over so well, though. 

“Do you think it would have changed anything if you did?” he asked instead, trying to keep his voice carefully neutral.

“I mean- Maybe?” Yosuke raked his hand through his hair nervously. “She was miserable working at Junes, the whole town pegged her as this- as a ‘traitor’ to the family business, just like I was the ‘Junes kid’ who’s responsible for the shopping district losing profits and all that bullshit.”

Souji felt realization slowly bloom in his chest. “You relate to her.”

“Yeah, sort of. We were both hated by Inaba and despised it right back. Saki-senpai was just better at hiding it, I guess,” Yosuke worried at his bottom lip with his teeth. “ All I wanted back then was to feel ‘special’, you know? I thought my life’d have meaning if I was ‘special’ to someone. That I’d finally get to be something more than just a stupid transfer kid that everybody forgot about,” he said with a self-mocking smirk.

“Yosuke…” Souji put his hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “You  _ are _ more than that-”

“I know, I know,” Yosuke intercepted before he could say anything else. “I mean, now I do because I had the chance to- to realize that. And thinking about Saki-senpai… she never- if she really was like me then she-” he stammered, took a deep breath and looked Souji right in the eyes.

“She died, convinced she was miserable and alone.”

Yosuke’s voice cracked at the word ‘died’ but there was a determined set to his jaw. Souji rarely saw him this serious about anything. It took him a couple more seconds to piece together what this was all about. He didn’t have a crush on Saki - or maybe he did but that wasn’t the point - Yosuke identified with her on some level. So dying while she was still working through the same issues he was facing back then… 

“It’s just- it’s not _ fair _ ,” he continued, much calmer this time. “Life’s more than what you have or what you can do… Just being born, living your life… Before you know it, you’re special to someone. So maybe hearing that… I don’t know, maybe it’d have at least given her some closure.”

Yosuke was looking at Inaba again. The sun was almost past the horizon at this point but the light still shone on the overlook and Souji couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way it framed his face. His hand never left Yosuke’s arm and he slung it around his shoulders in what he hoped would be considered a completely platonic half-embrace. 

“I think I get it,” he hummed softly.

Souji was surprised to feel Yosuke lean even closer into his side. 

“Yeah... Like you... You're special to me, you know?” 

Yosuke was rubbing his nose, not looking at him. Meanwhile, Souji’s face was slowly gaining color. He looked down at the ground to make sure Yosuke wouldn’t notice and saw both of their feet, which only made him realize how close to each other they still were and his cheeks reddened even more. As happy as the words have made him, Souji couldn’t help but wonder if Yosuke would still mean them if he knew. Except he had to know on  _ some _ level, right? He’d just pointed out that Saki was also special to him and Yosuke clearly liked her, so saying the same thing to Souji he must have been aware of the implications. Or maybe he’d assumed he wouldn’t take it this way because obviously, Souji’s a guy.

God, now he felt guilty. Yosuke clearly considered him as a friend, a partner, but that was it. Souji had to let go of this fragile hope that nestled itself somewhere in the back of his head stubbornly. He was an idiot, really; for every situation in which Yosuke  _ supposedly _ implied that he liked him there were countless of others in which he very clearly, painstakingly reminded everybody willing (or not) to listen that Yosuke Hanamura was as straight as a pole and that he liked women, and women exclusively. Souji would find it amusing if it didn’t also make him want to gauge his eyes out from frustration. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a sudden buzz. Souji retrieved his hand from around Yosuke’s shoulders to reach for the phone in his pocket and flipped it open. 

Rise (19:16): _ senpaaaaai!＼(⌒▽⌒) _

Rise (19:16):  _ im feeling better already and i still need somebody to show me around town _

Rise (19:17):  _ can u give me a tour tmrrw? cmon u promised!  _

“Dude!” Yosuke shouted right next to his ear, face now inches from Souji’s from where he shamelessly read the message. “Risette just seriously asked you out!”

“She just wants me to walk her around town,” Souji reasoned with a frown.  _ Was _ she asking him out…?

“Yeah, right,” Yosuke quipped back, rolling his eyes, “a tour around town where she literally grew up in.”

“It’s probably changed a lot since she last lived here.”

“Ugh, either way, it doesn’t matter!” he waved his hands around, frustrated. “You’re gonna agree, right?”

“I mean…” Souji trailed off hesitantly. 

“Alright, listen,” Yosuke grabbed him by the shoulders and shook. He looked at him, all determination. “I am not going to let you do this to yourself, partner. There’s no way you’re missing a date with Rise  _ frigging _ Kujikawa on my watch, got it?”

“You’re so serious about this,” Souji mused, the corners of his mouth lifting up.

“Well, someone’s got to be! We’re talking about an idol here, Souji. An idol!”

He couldn’t quite stop the laughter that bubbled in his chest at the urgency in Yosuke’s voice. His friend glared daggers at him. “Are you sure it’s not  _ you _ who wants to go out with Rise?” he teased.

“Duh, who wouldn’t,” he huffed.

“I could tell her that I’m busy and set the two of you up instead.”

Yosuke shook his head. “She wants to go out with you, not me. You don’t have to- to do that out of pity or anything.” Souji opened his mouth to argue that it wasn’t the case but he didn’t let him. “Just agree to meet her and I’ll live vicariously through you.”

Souji pursed his lips together, thinking. Maybe… maybe he should, actually. Rise was clearly interested in him and it wouldn’t be anything groundbreaking to call her attractive. He didn’t know much about her aside from the idol persona she appeared as on television and well… her Shadow but he could always just get to know her better. That’s what dates were for, right? Besides, it would be a step forward to getting over whatever unrequited feelings still stirred in his chest. 

Souji looked at Yosuke. His brown eyes boring into him, waiting for an answer and ready to argue in case it wouldn’t be the one he wanted, eyebrows pinched together. The sunlight made his hair look red and he felt a sudden urge to comb his hand through it, see the way rays would filter through the strands. Souji’s gaze flickered down to his lips almost on its own-

“Alright,” he said with a tight smile. “I’ll go out with Risette.”


End file.
